Even at the notary's, there is room for a smile. A few jokes about wills, powers of attorney, neighbours and business partners, for a short break between two deeds.
No. 01
A very agitated gentleman walks into a notary's office:
— This is a matter of life and death! I want to make a will leaving my entire estate to my wife, but on one condition: she must remarry within six months of my death!
The notary looks at him in surprise over his glasses:
— A rather unusual clause... Why are you so set on it?
The gentleman sighs deeply:
— I want at least one man on this earth to be genuinely sorry that I died!
No. 02
A young couple want to sign a marriage agreement providing for separation of property. The notary asks the husband-to-be:
— Are you sure you want complete separation of property? With no exceptions at all?
— We've been together for seven years. If all we've shared so far is pizza and a Netflix account, I don't see why we should take a risk with the flat now, of all times!
No. 03
Two neighbours from the countryside come to the notary to sign a boundary rectification deed. The notary notices that the strip in question is 15 centimetres wide and 40 metres long, and asks:
— My good people, you paid for a surveyor, permits and trips into town over a strip no wider than your hand? Was it really worth all that trouble for six square metres?
One of them replies in all seriousness:
— It's not about the land, we both have plenty of land. It's the principle of the thing: his fence has no business casting a shadow on my onions!
No. 04
An elegant lady comes to see the notary:
— I would like to give my husband a power of attorney.
— Certainly! With what powers? Management, sale, representation before banks?
— No, just to go to the homeowners' association and pay the maintenance fees.
— Is that all? No other clauses?
— Oh yes, please state expressly: “The attorney-in-fact may not ask for explanations, may not comment on the bill and may not argue with the building manager for more than five minutes!”
No. 05
At the signing of the sale contract for a historic house, the buyer, a very meticulous gentleman, asks the seller:
— Do you guarantee that this house really is sound and has no latent defects?
The seller smiles calmly:
— My dear sir, the first deed in the file was drawn up when notaries still wrote with goose quills and sealed with red wax. If this house has survived two world wars, three currency reforms and four generations of heirs suing each other over it, I guarantee it will survive your 30-year mortgage too!
No. 06
A client walks out of the office smiling after signing a complicated contract and says to the friend who has been waiting for him in the hallway:
— Do you know why it's good to go to a notary?
— Why?
— Because it's the only place where you're happy to pay a fee, just to be sure nobody can turn up tomorrow and say: “Hang on, didn't this house use to belong to my grandfather?”
No. 07
A very cautious businessman arrives at the notary's office, visibly worried:
— We need to set up a trust, urgently! We'll put the villa, the deposits, the cars and all the shares into a ring-fenced trust fund.
The notary takes careful notes:
— A modern instrument of asset protection. Who is the settlor?
— Me!
— And who will be the trustee, managing the assets?
— Well... me again!
— And the beneficiary?
— What do you mean, who? Me, of course!
The notary puts down his pen and smiles:
— My dear sir, in theory it is an interesting structure. But to the bailiffs, and to your wife in the divorce settlement, it is simply called “pure optimism, duly notarised”!
No. 08
At a very tense general meeting of a limited liability company with two partners holding 50% each:
— Enough is enough! shouts the first partner. You bought a €100,000 SUV with company money, you put your holiday in the Maldives down as entertainment expenses and you've run the company into the red! Either you buy out my shares or I'm taking you to court!
The second partner, the managing director, calmly straightens his tie:
— My dear partner, you've forgotten one small detail in the articles of association: dissolution, withdrawal and the transfer of shares require a vote of at least 75% of the share capital. We are condemned to stay professionally married for life!
The first partner sighs in resignation:
— My professor at university was right... Affectio societatis only exists on the day the articles of association are signed. After the first financial year in the red, it turns straight into “vengeancia personalis”!
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